Konoha's Blog
by neko-hime21
Summary: Come and check out Konoha's favorite ninjas' blogs!
1. Sakura Haruno: Single?

A/N: Hey guys, this fic may er, offend some of you... So, just remember, it's just a fic, and I have no grudge against all the characters mentioned there! XP enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, Kishimoto does

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**CHAPTER 1**

**SAKURA HARUNO: SINGLE?**

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Username : cherrylips28

Password : shannarobitches

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Umm…

Hi… Sakura Haruno here.

So… I'm writing on my blog now (yes, this _is_ a modern world… Even ninjas has internet)

And err – this might be a surprise to some of you… but, yes, I am single.

You might be wondering why someone as _hot_ as meh is totally single (cue eyeroll), well, it's because all men in Konoha – no, scratch that – all men in the entire _Naruto series_ aren't boyfriend material.

Look, I'm flattered you guys paired me up with random characters and make kickass stories on fanfiction, but please. Just stop.

Here are my opinions on some of my pairings…

.

Okay, let's see:

NaruSaku:

Okay, I'll admit. I _love _Naruto. As a brother, kind of love, that is. Naruto is a _hunk_. And those whiskers, totally _hot_. There's nothing wrong with him, besides being the idiot he is and that annoying ramen addiction of his.

But people, should I remind you that HE FUCKIN' _KISSED_ SASUKE! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ABOUT?! EVEN _I_ COULDN'T GET TO DO THAT! THAT'S IT! MOVING ON, BEFORE I FUCKIN' KILL MY COMPUTER!

SasuSaku:

Oh, this one, I love. Sasuke. Hot. Smokin'. Uchiha. Chicken ass hair. Eyes as dark as night. Wow, he is practically the incarnation of a _sex god_. Any girl who could lay their hands on him is one lucky bitch. Besides the cold attitude, he is flawless. Perfecto.

Well, except for the part where he nearly KILLED me, _TWICE_! (THAT PRICK!) And let's not skip the '_Kissed Naruto_' fact, shall we?

SaiSaku:

Hmm… Sai. Well, he looks similar to Sasuke. Kinda cute, I suppose.

What bothers me about him is that personality of his (or lack thereof), and the fact that HE'S _GAY_! He called Naruto dickless (which means he saw his dick), he wears a goddamn _belly shirt_, and he fucking called me _FLAT_! (SAKURA HARUNO IS _NOT_ FLAT YOU BITCHES! I HAVE _VERY _NICE BOOBS! I JUST BIND THEM, YOU RETARDS!)

KakaSaku:

Ugh, just thinking of this makes me sick…

Sure, Kakashi-sensei's hot. Sure, his gravity defying hair is cool. Sure, he could be sweet and caring sometimes, but...

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING PEOPLE?! KAKASHI IS OLD ENOUGH TO BE MY _GRANDFATHER_! (well, no. I'm exaggerating, but you get the point) HE'S A PERVERT AND HE'S OLD AND.. UGH, YOU'RE MAKING ME SICK…

NejiSaku:

Wow, Neji…

At first I thought he was just weird in the first Naruto series, but BAM! He turns into some eye candy on shippuden.

But, like all other gorgeous men out there, he's just got to be a freak now doesn't he? Pearly white eyes? (seriously, are you blind?) Long silky hair that beats Ino's (shut up, pig. Admit it. He's got better hair than yours) which makes him look gay? And that destiny crap? Honestly, at this rate, I'm going to _die_ a virgin.

GaaraSaku:

Gaara…

Dashing. Young. Powerful. _Kazekage_. He's kind too. He helped us (as in Konoha) at some points.

But again with the gorgeous freaks… That bags under his eyes? (I think somebody drank too many coffee, ya know?) That tattoo thing on his forehead (Seems badass, but '_love_' in kanji? Seriously?) The gourd? (Doesn't he get tired carrying that shit all the time?) Plus, I still can't get over the fact that he tried _squeezing_ the life out of me, back then. (look, I know I could be annoying and bitchy at some point, but really people… It hurts like hell)

Okay, let's just move on to the last pairing, shall we…

SasoSaku:

He's cute. He's cool. He's anything awesome that starts with a C.

But honestly people, a _puppet_? And my _enemy_? Whom _I_ killed? (well, granny Chiyo did)

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WORLD?! Sasori is like that fucking _Chucky_ doll, GODDAMMIT! HE EVEN TRIED TO KILL ME! I still have a hard time falling asleep at night, for I am scared _shitless_ if he comes crawling back from the dead to my flat with a fucking _knife_ in his hands.

.

Ugh, see?

_None_ of those are boyfriend material. Nay. Nope. Zip

I think I'll just turn _lesbian_ or something.

_OR_ I'll just find someone _out_ of the Naruto series.

Or better yet, I'll hook up with someone _outside_ the Anime world!

How does magical baby wizards with pink hair sounds? Or, pink haired vampires, maybe?

Kay, ya'll… Gotta go!

Shannaro!

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A/N: Phew, that was quick! XD So, this seemed kinda crappy, I guess.. :c (I swear It'll get better!) I put Sakura first cuz I adore her, just so you know... In the next chapter, I'm thinking about putting Naruto or Sasuke's blog... Not sure about what though... Well, review please..! (don't flame me DX)


	2. Naruto Uzumaki: How to be Me!

A/N: Hey, so, here's the second chapter of Konoha's blog! enjoy! :D

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**CHAPTER 2**

**NARUTO UZUMAKI: HOW TO BE ME!**

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Username: ramenking10

Password: hokage6

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BNIAJHWKDSVPAKLZADGHKJVSUKAJHFNERSTDHXNJMRYYMJKIUK BH

Oops, heh, sorry, guys… I fell asleep on my keyboard…

Anyway…

Yo, yo! Naruto here! B-)

So, I made this blog, cuz I'm awesome..

and err– Sakura-chan made one, so why not go for it? :D

Hm. As for today, I'm gonna tell you a very important advice if you wanna rule the world…

**HOW TO BE ME!**

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**1. HAVE A COOL CATCHPHRASE**

See, I have a cool catchphrase: dattebayo

Everyone knows 'dattebayo'…

I mean, it's practical. For example; I wanna eat, dattebayo. I can do it, dattebayo. I'm gonna puke, dattebayo.

It's original, it's cool...

Think of something good and you'll be _almost_ as awesome as me!

Comment(s):

cherrylips28: bitch, please… Shannaro's better.

einsteinshadow200: How _troublesome_…

**2. WEAR ORANGE**

Orange is great! It's like what they say, 'Orange is the new black,' or 'Orange is slimming'.

I mean, Sakura-chan wears pink, it's too girly. Sasuke-teme wears black, it's too emo. Bushy brows wears green, it's just plain weird.

So go to the nearest store, and get yourself some orange clothing! Starting from undies, to jumpsuits!

Comment(s):

uchiha23: Dobe… I am _not_ emo…

ramenking10: TEME?! WHAT THE HELL ARE _YOU_ DOING HERE?! CAN'T YOU SEE IT'S _KONOHA'S_ BLOG?! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED IN HERE!

uchiha23: Says who?

ramenking10: Well, err – I.. did?

uchiha23: Dobe…

greenyouth27: Green is the color of youth! :D

**3. HAVE A KILLER JUTSU**

And, my totally awesome killer jutsu is…

MY _SEXY JUTSU!_ ;D

No enemy hasn't got a nosebleed from my sexy jutsu! (except for Sasuke-teme, because he's gay)

Not only for paralyzing the enemy (due to shock), this jutsu also makes people happy! :D (right, pervy sage and Kakashi-sensei? ;p)

Here's a picture of me in my sexy jutsu mode…

(open link here)

Comment(s):

uchiha23: I am _not_ gay…

cherrylips28: This is just downright disgusting…

maskedman69: LOLOLOL…. I thank you Naruto for creating such an _entertaining_ jutsu… _FAP TIME!_

**4. HAVE A TAILED BEAST**

Having a tailed beast rules!

I can have unlimited chakra, turn into an earth shattering beast, _and _rule the world!

I am a sexy beast, therefor it's only normal for me to have a tailed beast inside of me.

To be honest, my kyuubi form is cooler than all the other characters' monster form.

I mean, Gaara's shukaku? Lose some weight, man… and Sasuke-teme's curse seal mode? Look, I know you're gay, but don't overdue on the hair and lipstick, dude…

So, all of you… hurry up and get yourselves a tailed beast! I suggest you _rob_ the Akatsuki… They have lots of those…

Comment(s):

sandinsomniac5: . . . Shukaku keeps his wind attack inside his stomach, therefor literally he's not fat…

ramenking10: GAARA?! WHY THE HELL ARE _YOU_ HERE?! THIS IS _KONOHA'S_ BLOG GODDAMMIT!

piercingpein6: Kyuubi-boy… don't advertise Akatsuki… we're short on tailed beasts…

ramenking10: . . . WHAT THE FUCK IS _WRONG_ WITH THIS BLOG?!

uchiha23: dobe…

**5. BE HOKAGE**

I, NARUTO UZUMAKI, AM THE SIXTH HOKAGE! :D XP

THE BEST OF THE BEST!

THE STRONGEST OF THE STRONG!

THE _AWESOMEST_ OF ALL!

Comment(s):

hotslug5: You are _not _hokage…

ramenking10: I am _so_… wait, hot _slut_? Aren't you too _old_ for that Tsunade-baachan?

hotslug5: it's _slug_ you little twerp…

cherrylips28: _awesomest?_ Really? Get yourself a dictionary, Naruto…

einsteinshadow200: I don't think he can even _use _a dictionary…

ramenking10: STOP TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME!

.

Hmmm… Okay!

Those are the things you need on **HOW TO BE ME!**

FOLLOW MY FOOTSTEPS AND YOU CAN GET A GIRLFRIEND, CREATE WORLD DOMINATION, AND EVEN HAVE YOUR OWN ANIME SERIES! :D ^o^

BYE!

PEACE OUT YO!

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Comment(s):

uchiha23: this is bullshit…

cherrylips28: I am never going to open the internet, ever again…

maskedman69: best fap _ever_!

einsteinshadow200: troublesome…

sandinsomniac5: I don't see how this works…

piercingpein6: I won't even bother…

hotslug5: this is pointless…

greenyouth27: green is the color of youth! :D

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A/N: There you have it! :D Please review! :3


	3. Sasuke Uchiha: To Do List

A/N: I'M BAAACKK... :D MAY I PRESENT... CHAPTER 3... ^^

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**CHAPTER 3**

**SASUKE UCHIHA: TO DO LIST**

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Username : uchiha23

Password : hn

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Hn.

Sasuke Uchiha.

I dislike a lot of things, and I don't particularly like anything.

Including this blog, hn.

Stupid Kabuto hacked Konoha's Blog, and _ordered_ me to spy on Konoha through it. Che. Like I'll do that.

Anyway, I saw Naruto and Sakura's blogs... useless. So, I'll post something that might be a good of use…

**MY TO DO LIST**

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**1. DELETE FACEBOOK ****ACCOUNT**

Hn. Why, you may ask?

It's because I have too many goddamn fans.

Hn, no. I'm not a narcissist if that's what you're thinking.

It's a fact: I'm too _popular _for my own good.

From fangirls to anime geeks – all 5.354.000 – posts on my wall.

Every.

Single.

Day.

It's so fucking annoying – I _pulverized_ 3 computers this past month (It's not like I'll run out of computers. Hn, I _am_ a prodigy after all. All I want I get).

Fangirls posts something in the lines of, '_MARRY ME, SASKAY-KUUN!' _or '_BE THE FATHER OF MY CHILD!'_

While anime geeks post something in the lines of, '_SPAR WITH ME, UCHIHA!_' or some complicated facts about the sharingan which even _I_ don't understand or give a crap about (Tch. Geeks).

I even got a post from Naruto saying, '_CUM BAK 2 KONOHA, TEME!_' and '_OI, TEME! I'M GON TREAT U RAMEN IF U CUM BAK!_'

Stupid, stupid Naruto… poor boy couldn't even use a dictionary…

Once, I got a Message from my supposed stalker that scared the _shit_ out of me, saying: 'I slept with you last night."

Hn, to be honest, yes, I freaked out like a paranoid kid who's scared of the monster under his bed when I read that crap. Like hell will I sleep with anyone (hn, I'll never steep that low).

To top it off, she (I assume it's a she… or a gay) tagged me on a picture – _my _picture – sleeping, with a caption: 'I want to see you again every night ;)'.

The comments were _unbelievable_. Some fangirls' comments were, "DIE, BITCH" while others were, "SASKAY-KUN UR SO HOT WHEN U SLEEP!3"

With me sleeping with only my boxers, you can only guess the likes that fucking picture got.

5.989.000 likes.

Hell, even _Kabuto_ liked that damned picture.

Needless to say, Orochimaru had to get me a new computer, hn.

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Comment(s):

_3.435.422 people like this_

sexysasukeuchihafanclub3 : WE LOVE YOU SASUKEEEE-KUUUN! XD ;3 33

_uchiha23_ _blocked sexysasukeuchihafanclub3_

cherrylips28: my blog is _not_ useless… maybe…

ramenking10: Teme, come baaaaackkk! DX

uchiha23: . . .

uchiha23: no.

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**2. DISPOSE FANGIRLS**

Do I even need to _clarify_ this to you?

Fangirls are annoying.

They cling too much, they invade personal space, they stalk you, they try to molest you, they steal your _boxers_ (used ones, may I add)…

Hn. Annoying.

I'm not flattered.

At _all_.

They could all die for all I care. I tried to kill Sakura and Karin once. They still came crawling back.

All of them do.

When will they ever learn?

Hn, I know I've got the looks, all Uchihas does. It's in our blood.

When people say good looks is a blessing, they're wrong.

It's a curse.

Everytime I finish training, either my shirt's gone (I train shirtless, mind you) or fangirls will jump out of nowhere and try to take my pants off (which then I will flow electricity through me and shock them, hn).

But they were … _useful_ at times.

No, I did not rape them.

I used them.

Like one time, I was going to have to pass some quicksand to take a scroll across it, but I didn't want to get my shoes dirty. So, I took off my shirt – which then drooling fangirls _popped _out of nowhere – and ordered them to lay on the quicksand and make a human bridge for me – which they foolishly obliged like a puppy. Then I stepped on them, got the scroll, and left.

I never saw them ever since.

I will terminate them all.

But then again, I also need a womb to bear my heir.

Hn. Decisions, decisions…

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Comment(s):

_5.790.829 people like this_

welovesasukeuchiha4evaahfanclub: WE'LL BEAR YOUR CHILD SASUKEEE! :3 WE 3 U!

_uchiha23 blocked welovesasukeuchiha4evaahfanclub_

redsexygeek20: I FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT SASUKEEE-KUUUN!

cherrylips28: I don't… And I did _not_ come crawling back!

uchiha23: Hn, annoying…

cherrylips28: fuck you, Uchiha…

alternatesasuke6: My, my… that is not how you treat ladies, Sasuke… such beautiful creatures should be treated with _love_… especially _you_, miss _cherrylips28_ *_winkwink*_

_cherrylips28 is now offline due to shock_

clubalternatefangirls6: CHARASUKEEEEEEE!

alternatesasuke6: ladies… _*smirk**wink*_

uchiha23: What the_ fuck_ are you doing here? You're not real... how is that even _possible? _

alternatesasuke6: Tch, says the man who hacked Konoha's blog…

uchiha23: shut up, I'm the original… Go fuck yourself.

_alternatesasuke6 is now offline – for God knows why_

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**3. GET TOMATOES**

Hn, Tomatoes.

Nice, juicy, tomatoes.

What more could I ask for?

They're healthy – keeps me going through training for hours.

Helps me keep my 6-packs. (Hn, I'm not some 8-pack freak, mind you)

They also remind me of blood, hn. _Delicious_.

Very handy, too.

Everytime I see some fangirls or stalkers or Kabuto, I'll just throw some at them. (see? Very entertaining)

If I could feel, I'd _love_ tomatoes.

That's how much I like them.

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Comment(s):

_4.350.890 people like this_

fans4uchiha: WE CAN GIVE YOU TOMATOES SASUKEEEE!

uchiha23: send it to me.

fans4uchiha: KYAAAA! OKAAAYY! WE LOVE YOUUUU! 333 XOXO

_uchiha23 blocked fans4uchiha_

4eyedmedic: They give you tomatoes, and you block them… talk about being ungrateful.

uchiha23: fuck you, Kabuto.

ramenking10: Haha… teme's got a fetish for tomaaaatoeeeeeeeesss…..

uchiha23: speak for yourself, dobe… unlike _ramen, _tomatoes aren't full of crap…

ramenking10: you insult _ramen-chan_ again, and I'll kick your ass and drag you back, teme!

uchiha23: Dobe, ramen is a bowl of shit with noodles, eggs, sauce, and _Naruto_ inside…

ramenking10: THAT'S IT! YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR ASS TEME! I'M GONNA GO THERE AND DRAG YOU BACK HOME! BELIEVE IT!

uchiha23: Tch, whatever, dobe.

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**4. DESTROY KO– SAHSKBJEYUQIGVNMI– I'M GAY! :D**

I ENJOY SHOPPING LIKE SAKURA-CHAN DO… :3

I LIKE TO DRESS UP LIKE A PRINCESS AT NIGHT… ;O

AND I _LOVELOVELOVE_ BOYS!

LIKE SAI, OR KABUTO, OR EVEN _OROCHIMARU!_ 33

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Comment(s):

_3.453.000 people like this_

sasukeuchihafangirlsunited23: NOOOOOOOOO!

uchiha23: VBGAVUSLGHKAKSFJN – WHAT THE FUCK, DOBE?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

uchiha23: HKJANASKGHBJ – To bring you back of course, teme! Believe it! :D

uchiha23: AJKGHAAKGJNHALKJNB – STOP GRABBING MY KEYBOARD! GET YOUR OWN DAMN COMPUTER!

ramenking10:_ Happy?_ PS: I'm using konoha's blog mobile… It's super convenient! :D

uchiha23: Tch, Dobe…

uchiha23: . . .

uchiha23: Oi, dobe… go wait outside, I'll come and get you after I finish this blog…

ramenking10: Eh?! Really?! ALL RIGHT, DATTEBAYO!

_ramenking10 is now offline_

uchiha23: retard…

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**5. (as I was saying) DESTROY KONOHA**

Tch, stupid Naruto.

He'd really think I was going back…

Retard.

I have everything I want in Oto.

Free room

Free training

Free wi-fi

Life is good…

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Comment(s):

_1.345.053 people like this_

4eyedmedic: heh.. I knew you wouldn't go back

uchiha23: Hn.

sssnakemaster3: I'm proud of you Ssssasssssukee-kuuunn… Assss a _reward_, I'm going to make thisss night the _bessst_ night of your life…. ;)

4eyedmedic: Oh, Orochimaru-sama… don't leave me behind... I don't want him to get all the _fun_… let's all do _it_ together…;D

ssssnakemaster3: Ohoho…. Good idea, Kabuto…. What do you sssayyy, Sssssassssuke-kuuun? ;)

uchiha23: . . .

uchiha23: Dobe, wait for me!

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_uchiha23 just moved to Konoha_

_ramenking10 and uchiha23 just ate at Ichiraku Ramen_

_uchiha23, ramenking10, cherrylips28, and maskedman69 joined team7_

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A/N: Aaandd... voila! XD hope you enjoyed it... still confused who to put after this, though... well, review! :D


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